The Kind of Mother I Want to be

I have no idea when God will bless Colby and me with children (sorry if this blog title made you think we were expecting; we definitely are not). At this point in our lives, we are uncertain whether we want biological or adoptive children, or a combination of both. They aren’t on our radar any time soon. But, the message at our church this morning discussed parenting, so I could not help but think about what kind of person I want to be for the little ones who will someday call me “Mommy.” Even though kids will come later down the road for us, I want my choices now to reflect the life I envision for them and the person I hope to become for them.

I don’t want to be the “cool mom.” I would rather be the quirky one. My kids will know that laughing at yourself is ok, and that dancing to the beat of your own heart is so much better than conforming. After all, this comes from the person who bought her mom a cactus for Mother’s Day instead of flowers. She loved it and is happy to have a replacement for her cactus that I once killed, in case you were wondering.

mother's day cactus

I want to be an honest mom. If I make a mistake that influences my life and those of my family, I want to own it. I want to stay vulnerable, apologize when I should, and spare no tears if the occasion warrants them. I want my kids to know that I am real and human, even if they realize that I don’t have it all together. Who really does?

I want to be a gracious mom. If my kids slip up, I will hold them accountable, but I will not dehumanize them in the process. I also will not guilt-trip them if they have separate ideas than my own. My parents and I disagree about a number of things, but they have always encouraged me to live with my own convictions. Their gift of open-mindedness remains one of the most powerful things they have ever given me.

I want to be second mom. I picture our home being a place of refuge and rejuvenation for people, and I hope my kids will want to bring friends over one day. If this is the case, however, my baking skills leave much to be desired. But then again, my mom always told me the cakes that fall apart often taste the best. I sure hope this is the case with my Mother’s Day cake…

cake fail

I had to position the cake so you could not see the broken part. :/

I want to be the “fur-baby” mom. I can Colby and myself raising children who will bring home anything with legs that appears to be hurting. I hope I always accept these animals into our home to be nursed back to help. That’s kind of (aka exactly) what Jesus did for me about a year ago.

I hope to be the mom who gives my kids perspective. I will never forget one of the biggest lessons my mom taught me growing up. I have always had anxiety, especially when it comes to grades and achievements. Once, as I worried about what grade I would get in math class, my mom forced me to take a break from doing my times-tables and do something fun. She also reminded me that it was her late brother’s birthday, which made think about how my aunt was without a husband and their two children were without a father. Suddenly, my times-tables and whether I received an “A” or “B” in math class seemed much less important.

I want to be the mom who raises grateful children. I want to persuade my kids to set aside materialism in place of experiences. I want to buy only the most intentional gifts, and I want to emphasize quality time over anything money can buy.

I want to be the mom who learns something new every day, and shows her children the world of wonder God has created. I want to use Habakkuk 1:5 as the basis of my very existence: “Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told.”

I want to be the mom who supports her children. If they are artists, let me attend every showing of their brilliant masterpieces. If they are musicians, let me always open my ears to the dazzling music they make, even if I have a headache. If they are athletes, hopefully I do not get kicked out of their games for yelling each time the ref makes a call in favor of the other team. And if they are wanderers, let me encourage them to live with abandon and to see the world as it really is. May they dream dreams that are unrealistic, because being realistic isn’t very fun.


Come to think of it… I know the exact person whom I have just described: my own mother. If I am half of the woman she is, my future sons and daughters will live tremendous lives filled with laughter, lessons learned, and ambition as tall as mountains.

Thanks, Mom. I could not ask for a better cheerleader, confidant, and best friend. I did not choose you, but I would have if given the chance.


Photo Credit: Tony Thagard

“She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” – Proverbs 31:25-31

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